ShadyS' Life Adventure

Hey! Hello! Good Evening Cutie! Have you ever felt homesick when you were at home? The feeling like you aren't actually home but alone in the shelter from the elements you are living in? It is your home. But you can't help but feel sick to your stomach because home just doesn't feel like home when it is missing something else. Sure I have everything I need, food, electricity, my dog, a cat I don't really like. My bed. My Tv's. Its where my wifi is. Considering that these are all something you need in your life, it still doesn't feel like home. Everyone has something that makes them feel like they belong. Be it a person, an object, etc. Mine oddly enough comes in the form of a person. As much as I don't want to admit it. I usually pride myself in always feeling at home when I am home. Or whenever I am with that person. It didn't occur to my that I was lost when I was home alone, that I didn't feel right. It wasn't until recently that I start...

Hey! Hello! Good Evening Love! Today was interesting that is for sure. I went for my first real long walk all by myself. I walked 10K  Steps with Baby. We met a lot of interesting things. Dogs, Children, Teens, Adults, Elders. Everyone. I was a little nervous at first. I never went on walks without someone with me. But today was different, I was a little annoyed. Ever so slightly. Having started my moon time and all this morning. I needed to get out of my house, I needed to escape from all the negative feels. I hate that this was my retaliation to something so small. But to be honest, it was blown out of proportion because I didn't look at my phone right away. By then, I just wanted to go out. And it was sunny. And I haven't taken Baby on a good walk in ages. It was a good time of day because the Park was jam packed with a lot of friendly people. Now, my feet hurt, and Baby is tired. And I am sitting here trying to fight off my growing headache. Maybe I am dehydrated? I a...

Hey! Hello! Good Morning Hunny Bun! **So, I apologize, I was going to have this up and running for a 12am release. But I decided that I wanted to sleep instead and went to bed around 8:30pm last night. Which by the way was fantastic. I cooked my mom some dinner, baked a cake. Celebrated her birth. The whole shabang. So today, it was interesting to say the least. Had a plethora of weird dreams involving someone coming in and chopping up celery. Someone using my bathroom, someone starting the fire. Etc. When I woke up, I decided to cook myself some breakfast. My usual, Boiled Eggs, And maybe some toast. Did something different and tried Gluten Free Bread made with Brown Rice Flour. Was definitely not my favorite and would not be doing that ever again. To me it tasted like saw dust. I couldn't handle the texture. Bleh. I didn't do a whole lot of other things today. I went and cleaned at a clients. And then I came home, cleaned up yesterdays dishes, swept my floor and started...

Hey! Hello! Good Morning Dearest! So, as you should know. I almost didn't write for today. I have contemplated and just wished that I could just forget about everything. I had a little bit of a meltdown the night before. Which caused me to not sleep very well. I begged myself to stop and think before I started to freak out. But it is hard when it turns out you weren't liking what was happening. You fall into a temporary state of mind where everything but the sad part of your brain has shut down. That sad pathetic person takes over and ruins your progress. What was an enjoyable conversation soon turned into a sad pity party were you trapped someone else to be apart of. I honestly hate that trait in myself. It is something I picked up in my mid teens. I hate the way I feel when it happens. I am almost completely helpless to it. And I start picking on myself, I start saying sorry so much that my head starts to spin. It is completely ridiculous. But anyways, yesterday...

Hey! Hello! Good Morning Sugar Pie! I have officially survived two weeks as of today of pure agonizing torture. And I know there is a lot more ahead of me. There is always more just when you think it is over. However, I will be putting on my blinders and just keep on pushing, and I know I will be tempted to take them off when I stop for a brief moment. And in those small moments I will always become weak. And it doesn't matter how strong I am acting. And how strong my will is becoming. You can't expect me to not break down every once in a while. To not admire old pictures, or muse over times I had fun. My descent into madness will probably be short lived. I fell so hard and so fast. I get really happy when I see people post things about their love life, it makes me feel happy for them. I think this is what a hopeless romantic is. I wish one day that that will happen for me. Where I get to post my own engagement and where I get to send out my own invitations. Just thin...

Hey! Hello! Good Morning Sweet Pea! Some people have all their ducks in a row. Some have a certain amount of them in line with some stragglers. But there is a few of them who have their ducks everywhere. They can't keep their ducks in a single line. Those are my ducks. (Not really, but I hung out at MacArthur Park before I went home today. Just to kill time and to see if I could figure out what I wanted to write for todays entry.) But those are my ducks. They represent where all my ducks are. They are all in a big pile and also spread out. All over the place and on the way. Don't get mad at people for not having any of their ducks in a neat and tidy little line or semi together. Everyone will eventually get there, but it makes you want to lose that motivation when people are constantly getting mad at you for not having your ducks near each other or in perfect order. Nothing will get accomplished when someone feels like they are getting picked on for not having their li...