You Are Beautiful To Me
Hey! Hello! Good Evening!
So I was just laying there on the floor, just finishing my at home workout. I am still waiting to do my Y Pass. Anyways, I was thinking to myself, I never really told anyone what my favorite hobbies were and what I really like to do in my spare time.
Well, for one, I really love to write. Isn't it obvious? I am currently building on my blog. But I also like to write fiction and even though I hardly ever share what I've written, I really enjoy it. I love being able to write down what I am thinking. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes it doesn't. That is just the way it goes.
I really LOVE speaking in broken languages. Where I will take all sorts of words from different languages and use them in my every day life. I usually find some that translates well. Or sometimes I have to learn how to use it properly. It really depends. I don't know, its just really fun to use words from different languages and mixing them with my dominate language.
I love to watch anime in their original language. Even though I have to watch it with the subtitles. I still like to watch it. It will always be entertaining to me.
Singing is a favorite past time for me. I do like to do it, but only if I happen to be drinking or I am very comfortable.
I love playing games, whether its Video games, board games, dungeon dice monsters. You name it. I love to keep busy and I really like strategy games. I feel like no one actually realizes that I can be quite good at those kinds of games.
I love to read, fan fiction, fiction, mystery, horror, etc. I am not really a non fiction ready. It just isn't my style. But I do like to read.
I love to read out loud. It helps me retain information, plus it helps me practice speaking and helping with my stutter.
I love horses. Not everyone does, but I do. I grew up being around them. Its weird when I am not looking at one at least once a day.
I love music, whether its live or in my speakers/headphones.
I love to draw/craft things. I am not always in the mood to make something, but sometimes I get hit with the need really hard and I need to get it down or else I lose that motivation.
These are some of the things I like to do. It obviously isn't everything. But what is a mysterious person writing a blog when she gives away all of her interests and favorite activities.
So there was something else I'd like to say.
I am currently not seeing any movement on my scale in regards to my weight. But I am noticing how my clothes are starting to fit better. Which makes me incredibly happy with myself. I just wish I could share that with someone I really want to.
I personally feel like this is hard for me. Going everyday loving and admiring everything they did and telling them so, to all of the sudden just wishing you can have that again. So you have to do that from afar. It is really frustrating because there is always going to be that need to always say something, or to just have a stupid conversation. Even if I am the only one saying things. Even if it feels like I am talking to a wall. Its a really empty feeling. Everything feels really empty.
I have this strong feeling to keep fighting for it. To keep pressing on and letting them know what I am feeling about this whole thing. But I feel like that would only get me pushed back even further. I just don't have that will other people have to stop wanting something. I am always constantly wanting what I want. I hate giving up. I hate letting go of something I love.
But I don't want to have something disappear from me. And everyday that I pack a small thing, it just seems like my world is getting smaller in a big house. Soon I am going to have a lot of empty space. And I will only wish for it to be filled again with their things. It just doesn't feel like home when I take down their posters and banners and paintings. But it is just something else I am going to have to deal with when they finally come and get the rest of their things. Even though I don't want them to. I just want it to stay put. I just want everything to go back to normal.
I don't feel normal. I don't feel like this is the right thing to happen. But I guess that is just something I will have to adjust to. And I never say this loosely, I hate feeling and admitting that I feel like I found someone I want to be with the rest of my life to just be met with so much resistance. I wanted the next step. Not a step back. I was planning on taking that next step. But my life had been disrupted by something catastrophic.
I just want my best friend back... I just want to cuddle on the couch while they are playing their games. While I try to resist rubbing their feet they keep waving in my face. I don't like feet, but I was doing my best to get passed the distaste I have for feet. Somehow I didn't mind theirs too much.
But everything happens whether I like it or not. The world won't stop just because I have a broken heart.
Todays Song Recommendations
"Linger" - The Cranberries
"Who Knew" - P!nk
So I was just laying there on the floor, just finishing my at home workout. I am still waiting to do my Y Pass. Anyways, I was thinking to myself, I never really told anyone what my favorite hobbies were and what I really like to do in my spare time.
Well, for one, I really love to write. Isn't it obvious? I am currently building on my blog. But I also like to write fiction and even though I hardly ever share what I've written, I really enjoy it. I love being able to write down what I am thinking. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes it doesn't. That is just the way it goes.
I really LOVE speaking in broken languages. Where I will take all sorts of words from different languages and use them in my every day life. I usually find some that translates well. Or sometimes I have to learn how to use it properly. It really depends. I don't know, its just really fun to use words from different languages and mixing them with my dominate language.
I love to watch anime in their original language. Even though I have to watch it with the subtitles. I still like to watch it. It will always be entertaining to me.
Singing is a favorite past time for me. I do like to do it, but only if I happen to be drinking or I am very comfortable.
I love playing games, whether its Video games, board games, dungeon dice monsters. You name it. I love to keep busy and I really like strategy games. I feel like no one actually realizes that I can be quite good at those kinds of games.
I love to read, fan fiction, fiction, mystery, horror, etc. I am not really a non fiction ready. It just isn't my style. But I do like to read.
I love to read out loud. It helps me retain information, plus it helps me practice speaking and helping with my stutter.
I love horses. Not everyone does, but I do. I grew up being around them. Its weird when I am not looking at one at least once a day.
I love music, whether its live or in my speakers/headphones.
I love to draw/craft things. I am not always in the mood to make something, but sometimes I get hit with the need really hard and I need to get it down or else I lose that motivation.
These are some of the things I like to do. It obviously isn't everything. But what is a mysterious person writing a blog when she gives away all of her interests and favorite activities.
So there was something else I'd like to say.
I am currently not seeing any movement on my scale in regards to my weight. But I am noticing how my clothes are starting to fit better. Which makes me incredibly happy with myself. I just wish I could share that with someone I really want to.
I personally feel like this is hard for me. Going everyday loving and admiring everything they did and telling them so, to all of the sudden just wishing you can have that again. So you have to do that from afar. It is really frustrating because there is always going to be that need to always say something, or to just have a stupid conversation. Even if I am the only one saying things. Even if it feels like I am talking to a wall. Its a really empty feeling. Everything feels really empty.
I have this strong feeling to keep fighting for it. To keep pressing on and letting them know what I am feeling about this whole thing. But I feel like that would only get me pushed back even further. I just don't have that will other people have to stop wanting something. I am always constantly wanting what I want. I hate giving up. I hate letting go of something I love.
But I don't want to have something disappear from me. And everyday that I pack a small thing, it just seems like my world is getting smaller in a big house. Soon I am going to have a lot of empty space. And I will only wish for it to be filled again with their things. It just doesn't feel like home when I take down their posters and banners and paintings. But it is just something else I am going to have to deal with when they finally come and get the rest of their things. Even though I don't want them to. I just want it to stay put. I just want everything to go back to normal.
I don't feel normal. I don't feel like this is the right thing to happen. But I guess that is just something I will have to adjust to. And I never say this loosely, I hate feeling and admitting that I feel like I found someone I want to be with the rest of my life to just be met with so much resistance. I wanted the next step. Not a step back. I was planning on taking that next step. But my life had been disrupted by something catastrophic.
I just want my best friend back... I just want to cuddle on the couch while they are playing their games. While I try to resist rubbing their feet they keep waving in my face. I don't like feet, but I was doing my best to get passed the distaste I have for feet. Somehow I didn't mind theirs too much.
But everything happens whether I like it or not. The world won't stop just because I have a broken heart.
Todays Song Recommendations
"Linger" - The Cranberries
"Who Knew" - P!nk